Rush Hospital ER with Mom. Her potassium is too high. Renal Failure. I'm missing parent/teacher conferences. We are waiting for a bed in the main hospital. Her muscles in back of her neck, tailbone, and butt keep spasming...around her ears, too. The heart seems to be ok. Very low pulse. She does well with some poking and prodding. She only does the heartbreaking, moaning thing when her muscles or her tummy cramps up. She is a warrior. Tonight I feel silently connected to her.
ER to ICU. I let Dad drive me crazy with talk of his hospital stay in Luisiana and then his blatent nurse stalking even as mom struggles beside him. Ugh. We are there from 5 til 11ish. Mom is so sick, and we are a little scared.
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2/6 & 2/7
At Jen and Joe's B & B. I got to walk yesterday and today. It's been sunny and warmer. 60s today. I took the last of my bags of change to the bank to pay off part of those plane tickets to see Renee and meet Isabella. Then I went for one of those long walks where it occurs to me that it feels inside me like I'm taking God out for a walk...for a new experience or just to take it all in...what we do, how we live, what it feels like to feel a breeze on our face, what a bright red cardinal looks like against a clear blue sky, see the man playing his harmonica while pacing in front of that house, notice how folks decorate their windows and porches and back yards...we watch squirrels build their tree complexes, we watch leaves dance and run, bouncing and spinning to the music we are listening to on Nano...we laugh out loud when splashed with muck from an over zealous St. Bernard and his Sheepdog buddy. The muck is beautiful, and it reminds us of those early Spring days that carry a special kind of freedom that promises even greater freedom in days to come. It makes us think about those walking days that preceded our driving days that ended our walking days...until now... These walks make me, make us, clear out the fear and saddness and make us ready to go back to mom.
Jen and I go to see mom at 3. Mom wants fruit, so I packed her some strawberries, pear, grapes, and a rice pudding snack pack. She was not talking much - very tired and seemed out-of-it. We finally got her eating, and not long after, she was full of life and laughter...out-loud-big-ole-laughs from her belly. That's when I stopped being scared. It was very hard to leave her.
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2/11
Miracles that came to be since mom went to the hospital:
- baby Bella arrives from Port Townsend and mom gets to meet and kiss and hug and smell her first Great Grandbaby.
- Quadruple sister power fills our world with love.
- Dana gets hired and gets $$ for doing what she was made to do.
- Of their own volition, third period prays for my mother in a great, gentle circle of love and light, and then they pray no one finds out we prayed in school.
- Dr. Tez comes to town to heal and delight everyone around him.
- Wendi rediscovers how very much she loves and needs momma.
- Jenny lives out her dream of being a ballerina in a grand room 748 performance.
- Danielle gets to see Renee's roots and gain some love and understanding.
- We get to see Nick as a beautiful daddy...filled to overflowing.
- Mom gets her sister back.
- Steven finds a new calling as caretaker.
- Mom's procrastination with dialysis turns out to be the best thing because the cancer was discovered and dealt with. That would not have happened in a non-emergency situation. Whew.
- Mom finds friendship with Dr. Rodby is recipricol.
- Bob's heart opens up and he graciously takes care of all the quiet background stuff at our now crowded house, and he learns (I think) that having a full house can be tolerable, and even kinda fun.
- Mom and Renee witness Bob's sweetness and see more clearly how and why I love him so.
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2/15
"Bob made Pomodoro Primevera and it was Popovichalicious!" ~Renee on the phone, to Jenny
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